10 Stupid Tips for a Green Thanksgiving

This was actually in the newspaper and I could not believe what the hell I was reading. So I decided to post it up .. and add a couple more tips on how to make your Thanksgiving green.

1. Stay Close to Home - Thanksgiving is traditionally a time when airports and highways are jam packed. Why not skip spending time with your family and friends save some carbon to help the environment ?

Really?  After reading this I wanted to go outside with aerosol cans and spray them directly into the air. I want to leave my car running in a parking lot by itself all day while i’m at work. I want to dig a hole in my backyard and fill it with my recycling.

2. Keep it simple – Instead of spending all day cooking to amaze your friends. Using tons of electricity and killing the earth why not cook everything on a BBQ or serve cold food that still tastes great.

WTF?  You know as a man I will tell you that hot Thanksgiving Turkey mash potatoes and piping hot gravy drizzled over everything is amazing. These people must be crazy .. cold food?  No TV ?  No lights?

3. Go Vegetarian – You will be amazed at how many option you have cooking vegetarian thanksgiving dinner. Livestock put a huge strain on the planet.

Okay okay.  I see where they are going with this. Really?  I mean seriously?  This is the reason why you wonder …hmm… why isn’t anyone coming over for Thanksgiving dinner? OHHH.. that’s right because we are retarded!  Cooking vegetarian meals on thanksgiving is like farting in a full elevator. No one wants to be around you. Assholes!

4. Serve Organic Beverages – Speaks for itself other then local wines that are organic.

Hey MOM what would you like to drink? ummm… We got  black bean drink, we got ice cold asparagus soda too. Hey POP want a beer I got apple cider from the native reserve, the label says Dickens Cider. Fuck off!

Stupid hippy getting ready for Thanksgiving

5. Use What You Have – This is one of the easiest cheapest ways to go green any day of the year, and it works on Thanksgiving too. You don’t need fancy dishes or glasses. Just use your regular dishes no one will care.

Really? I fuckin’ care.  If I come over to your welfare ass house and you try to serve me on old ass dishes, this is what would happen: You: “Here you go LeeRoy here is your plate of vegetarian ball sack on our old ass dishes and a ice cold glass of carrot juice, juiced by myself.”  Me: “What the fuck is this? Are you fuckin’ retarded MOM?”  *SMASH!  PLATE UPSIDE THE HEAD* Glass of carrot shit into the wall. WTF, you cheap ass, go cash another government check and purchase some fuckin’ new plates those were handed down from great great grandma!  Fuckin’ flower designs are as old as Jesus. Why are you serving me this shit?  You trying to kill me with your cold ass vegetables and ass drink? Fuck this im going to McPukes!

6. Buy From the Goodwill – Purchase your table cloth, gravy bowl, spoons or anything else you need from the Goodwill. Because its better to buy second hand to save the environment.

OMG!  After reading this I honestly punched the first person next to me in the face. Are you serious? This is your plan to save the environment?  Anyone honestly thinking about doing this to save the environment is honestly retarded. Like mentally. This is the dumbest thing I’ve heard. But it gets better.

7. Decorate With Natural Materials – Skip purchasing decor from stores, instead go for a nice long walk in the woods and grab some pine-cones and sticks.

Grab leaves and bird nests and nuts and berries hang them all over your house like a fuckin’ big foot would in his cave. Fuck off…

8. Illuminate you home with beeswax or soy candles – Yes don’t use your electricity instead put beeswax all over your home and light it up. .

Oh and don’t use a lighter, because it made of plastic and stuff. Light the beeswax by rubbing two sticks together or striking rocks.

That’s the end of the stupid shit that is getting spewed out of the mouths of assholes who carry there own fuckin’ bags into the stores to purchase food and the people that are jogging every morning and farting stinky vegetable farts in the elevators that you have to deal with. These people suck. Back in the 80’s when every car was a gas polluting pig and the coal power plants spewed black smoke into the sky, now that was great. Now everyone wants to drive a hybrid, eat organic vegetables and cry about baby seals.  Fuck it .. I don’t care ..

I’m LeeRoy .. Go fuck yourself Green Peace !!