Palm Pilots

This guy on the train is using a Palm Pilot..

Not a Treo, but the old school one with the stylus.

I will continue to observe the situation to see if the 90’s comes back to punch him in the cock amd take it’s Palm Pilot back.

Transformers 2 revenge of the fallen ..or Shitbots 2 the Movie

I want to begin by saying that I’m a huge Transformers fan and I loved the first movie.

I wanted so bad to go to the movies to see Transformers 2, however a lot of shit came up and I never got the chance to see it in theatres.

I purchased the DVD yesterday as soon as it hit stores and got ready to watch this movie. Popcorn, chips and dip, beer and Pepsi. All ready to go, turned off all the lights in the house and I was overjoyed with excitement. However, I soon turned sour faced and began punching myself in my own testicles while singing yankee doodle dandy.

This movie pissed me off, and I mean it pissed me off to the point where I wanted to run outside and punch countless random babies in the face. First off, the movie starts off with a bunch of action to get you involved, even though you’re watching a giant robot with giant wheels destroy shit, then get smashed up real quick by Optimus Prime (kinda cool),  but I honestly had no idea what the hell was going on.

Then you get into Shia Labouf and his pet Chihuahua having sex with another male dog, while his father grabs his mother ass. Great scene, I couldn’t have written it any better then that. I mean Oscar nomination right there! Fucking horrible. Why did I have to sit through two dogs screwing each other and both are male. Two gay retarded dogs screwing on the couch I loved it (Fucking sarcasm).

Then Shia Labouf is speaking on the phone with his girlfriend Megan Fox while she hangs over the side of a motorcycle trying to fix it. While Megan Fox is hot and it’s always great to see her straddling things this ain’t Playboy, and I want some damn action, like kill a robot action, blow shit up action, robots blowing each other up action, or something that at least had something dying or blowing up. Instead I’m watching a poor actress acting like a whore. The producer must have been a horny mother fucker (Fucking horny Michael Bay coked up at 3am) at this part of the movie and wanted to see some tits and gay dogs fuck in the butt during the making of these couple of scenes.

So Shia finds a piece of the allspark or some shit, you know that giant rubiks cube thing that eventually turns into a small rubiks cube. Anyway he pulls out a sweater and a piece of that thing falls off the shirt. OK, you following? If you saw the first one it was pushed into Megatron and he got destroyed and shit. So now there is a piece left and it burns a hole through his bedroom floor. Then the next floor till it hits the kitchen and doesn’t burn through the counter top. Nope.  Instead it turns all the appliances into robots, and its obviously a Decepticon robot. You know, the bad robots. Now these kitchen appliances begin to attack. The blender attacks and blends shit, the toaster throws toast and transforms into a miniature robot thing, the stove turns into something, the mothers dildo transforms and fucks the toaster over, and then the fucking TV transforms and begins to show CNN and shit. While this is going on I’m leaning forward wondering how far I can lean to cut off circulation to my legs so that I can bite them off with my fucking teeth.

So now the police come and fire trucks come and the mother is running around yelling like a fucking retard in this movie. No, the police don’t ask questions, nope the fire men don’t either instead the family gets into a car and leave while pieces of robots are laying everywhere.

We join Shia as he enters college and the mother takes note that the college looks like hogwarts school for fucking witches. She proceeds to purchase a brownie in a bag that has a giant weed leaf on it and then eats it. Shia all the while is in his dorm realizing he has walked into a tech room full of computers and shit and 3 virgins that argue with him that Transformers are real and Shia says no way man there is no proof. Well ass hole how about the 10 million people that watched the first movie and saw tanks and shit destroying the middle of a city full of people? How about after that when robots were running wild through the fucking streets blowing shit up and stuff , how the hell do you explain that?

His mother after eating a brownie (obviously a weed brownie) goes ballistic and begins running through the college campus screaming. I don’t know about you but when I had brownies made with that shit it made me tired and slow and all I wanted to do was stare at the fucking carpet or watch my finger nails grow or wave my fucking hands around in my face to trip out. Those brownies were probably laced with angeldust or something that the producer of this movie knows nothing about.

Okay, so Shia now goes to a college party, while all this is going on you tend to notice that every girl that go to this college is straight from a porn movie. Every single one of them, not one ugly chick, not even one decent chick. All of them are 10’s, but this one bitch sticks out in his roommates head. Yep she goes to the school, lives in the dorm, goes to his classes and gets into his Camaro (Bumblebee) and Bumblebee shoots green shit all over her then she runs out of the car like a little bitch.

You still following?

He goes to school and begins to twitch like he is on crack and starts writing down Saudi Arabian symbols all over the place, then goes to his dorm and writes it all over his wall. By the way, the posters in his dorm room.. haha  WTF? You have to see them.. Anyways ..knock knock.. Oh shit its that girl that my dorm buddy wants but she wants me instead and even after my car shot green piss fuck all over her she wants to fuck my eyes out. He gets thrown to the bed then all of a sudden she turns into a fucking robot. At this point of the movie, I actually yelled out loud, “GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!!  WHY THE FUCK IS THIS HALF GIRL ROBOT IN THIS MOVIE AND HOW DID SHE GET INTO COLLEGE AND LIVE IN A DORM AND TAKE CLASSES.. LIKE MEGATRON SIGNED THE BITCH UP FOR COLLEGE!” I grabbed the remote for my DVD player and smashed myself right in the lower pelvis area then rang it off my funny bone whole I tried to swallow my fist.

Shit did I mention a miniature RC car goes after Megan Fox and she puts a chain on it and then puts it in a box and takes it through an airport while its yelling let me out then onto a plane fly’s around the world to get to this college just because.

Back to my choking of popcorn and breaking a full bottle of beer over my own ass while I bend over in my bathroom mirror.

At some point Megatron who was banished to the bottom of the ocean get brought back to life and he swims up and destroys a submarine and flies away. Then Soundwave who is supposed to be a cassette player, however turns out to be a fucking satellite orbiting earth… yes a gigantic fucking MTV satellite.. WOW! Talks to himself and shit.

Then Optimus fights Megatron and Starscream, and Optimus gets killed.. (oops sorry to spoil it for you). Then the United States Government decides that the Autobots need to leave earth because they think they are causing problems for earth. Yep sounds like the US government, sooooo… I’m going to fast forward a bit because I honestly don’t remember half the shit after that went on. Two fucked up Autobot robots who cant read and make wise crack and act fucking retarded with gold teeth do some stupid shit.

At some point they go to an old airforce museum in Washington, and inside they find an SR71 black bird spyplane. COOOOOOL!!  This part I actually stopped torturing myself to pay attention, but my joy wouldn’t last very long the fucking plane transformed into an old man with a beard and a fucking cane. Can you believe this? My god damn jaw dropped! How the fuck can you turn something so cool into something so fucking stupid within a matter of seconds? Then the fucking giant old man robot blows a hole in the side of the museum wall. Guess whats outside????? How about the Arizona dessert? WTF? We were just in Washington right? You blow a hole in the wall walk out into the Arizona dessert ummmm.. shit I ain’t no producer or anything but if I gave my dog a fucking video camera and told him to make a movie he wouldn’t have fucked it up this much.

All right Optimus Prime is dead and a plane flies him into the desert and drops him there, because there is something that can bring him back to life and Shia found it. Shia then tries to get back to Optimus Prime to bring him back to life while Megatron calls all the Decepticons to attack in the dessert.

The Contructicon’s…. WOW! I mean holy shit, here they come. A tractor, bulldozer and cement mixer and I’m thinking holy shit.. OMG!  Here they come this is crazy! It was worth it.  It was sooo worth seeing this horrible fuck of a movie. All of a sudden they begin to transform into Devastator OMG!  O_M_G !

And I’m like… hold on… HOLD THE FUCK ON!!  WHAT THE LIVING FUCK IS THAT GIANT LIGER?????  The damn thing transforms into a giant liger badger looking thing with a giant mouth that sucks. Well yeah, this sucked a lot.

Well now that I have seen the ruining of my entire childhood within a matter of 1 hour of watching the cesspool of Michael Bay’s Nightmares. The putrid of what I thought would be the most amazing movie I have ever seen. I literally reached over and boxed my dog right in the baby maker. I then jumped up and ran full tilt at my front plate glass window jumping and spearing my head like a drill into my front yard bushes. I ran clear down the street clapping random children in the ears, did a double back flip over a fence all while screaming we’re all gonna die, into a pool in a neighbours back yard while they were swimming in it and took a rotting McDonalds deuce in the pool and then drew a Transformers symbol on it in front of the screaming neighbours and children then I tried to transform the giant turd into a robot.

This was the worst fucking movie I have ever seen in my damn life. I cant believe that  I didn’t end my life while or after watching it. However I want to strangle Michael Bay for making this movie. Fuck you!  You ruined this movie and everything holy about the Transformers brand. You killed 2 of the coolest Transformers (SoundWave & Devastator), and the movie had nothing to do with nothing. It made no fucking sense. I mean fuck.. I have seen my dog take shits that have more depth and intelligence then this fucking movie.  I circumcised the DVD.. I did.. Then I had a priest bless it and do a fucking resurrection on it. After that I pissed on it, the priest pissed on it we had a beer, burned it with a can of gasoline, shoveled up the ashes stuffed it into roman candles and lit them off into Richard Gere’s asshole!

I hated this movie and not just because I love Transformers and they screwed it all up, but because it made no damn sense. Shit one scene a miniature robot is humping Megan Foxes leg.. WTF!  OMG!  I think I’m going to lose it right now just thinking about it. FFFFFFFF FUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!

I have to stop now.. because.. well I just have to.. my gawd.. everything holy..

I’m LeeRoy … FUCK YOU MICHAEL BAY!

I wish Michael Jackson lived forever

You probably think i’m weird.

I have a great reason though.

No one really cared when he was alive, and his name was dragged through the dirt. Sure he was on the weird side, but he took a lot of abuse. Now he’s dead, and I can’t go anywhere, or turn on the radio and not hear Michael Jackson. I am completely sick of hearing Michael Jackson songs, and to make it worse, all the god damned remixes.

If Michael Jackson was still alive for ever, we would have never heard another Michael Jackson song, except for Thriller at Halloween, because that’s mandatory.

We can always hope for him to come back as a zombie, however that probably doesn’t happen too often.

80’s Cars that are still Cool and Uncool

It’s almost the year 2010. Vehicles from the 80’s have now become rare cars to own and collect. After speaking with my fans I have compiled a list of cars that even driving them today will get you noticed (in a good way) and people will respect the vehicle even if it’s from the 1980’s.

However their are also cars from the 80’s that should have been left there along with stone washed jeans and Milli Vanilli.

Vehicles from the 80’s that are still cool and worth money:

1. Buick Grand National (GNX)

This car is by far one of the sexiest cars ever produced. If you look at it today, you may thing its a big square pig. But this to a man is the epitome of a wet dream. Why is this car so cool?  Even though it’s from the 80’s this car is fast, and when I say fast I mean this car will toast cars on the road now that have over 300 hp.

2. Delorean DMC-12

You remember the car from Back to the Future? Yeah that’s the car, and its still cool with the gull wing doors and all stainless steel body.

3. Corvette ZR1

Well honestly pretty much any Corvette is cool, even all the 80’s models however, the ZR1 is super cool. It’s a rare limited production car that had a lot more power under the hood than the regular Corvette.

4. Eagle Talon AWD Turbo

You’re shaking your head, no? This car in it’s day was sexy and sleek. Sleeker then some of the cars from today. What makes this car extra great is all wheel drive and a turbo under that hood. Let me explain. A stock Talon from a light would toast a stock Corvette, or Mustang. You’re saying no way Jose, well guess what?  It did, and with little modifications this car was fast. $5000 into this car and you got yourself a 10-11 second car. That’s cool!

5. Lamborghini Countach

Obviously .. its still cool I dont care if its just sitting still its cool.

6. Toyota Celica / Supra

Cool cars for the era. These things were quick, cheap, rear wheel drive, cheap on gas, and they looked good.

7. Mustang GT Dech / Saleen

The Mustang obviously is an icon when it comes to cars. But what set the DECH or Saleen apart from the useless 225 hp Mustang GT was the crazy body kits these came with. They also had some extra performance under the hood, but really they looked sexy and still do.

8. Iroc Z28

I know some people may beg to differ, but the Iroc was an amazing car. Sexy and muscular.  Yes a lot of honkey tonks own them. Yes a lot of white Brampton rednecks own them. But this model was the gino bambino. This was the “I Run On Cologne”, the gold chain wearing, button down shirt, T-Tops removed, long greasy hair sex rocket that women loved to ride in.

9. Pontiac Fiero GT

This is one car that still get looks when people see it. They don’t know what it is. Could be a Ferrari or a Lotus, but no, its a Fiero. The biggest piece of shit that Pontiac ever made, however the coolest car Pontiac ever made.

10. Porsche 928

This car was crazy. I forget the movies this car was in but man sexy as hell. Pop up headlights, 340 kms speedo, still a great car today.

80’s car that are not cool to be driving now:

(No pics or you will puke)

1. Chrysler K-Car = What a piece of pure shit. This was the economical shit box from Chrysler, you know the one with the damn K on the back of the trunk. Everything would fall off this car but it kept on running.

2. Dodge Omni = OMG! You know back in the 80’s they decided to make fuel efficient cars and this is what they got. Piece of dogs pubic bone wrapped in tin mixed with a hint of big foots dick juice.

3. AMC Eagle = It’s a wagon. It’s an SUV. It’s covered in fake wood on the outside of the body. WTF? Ugly!

4. Chevy Citation = God choke me with a rubber fist. This car was the equivalent to the K car for Chevy. What a wreck. I barfed a little in my throat just thinking about this shit box.

5. Chrysler New Yorker = Holy shit! How many cars can 1 company build that look like shit? I mean holy shit! It’s a boat. I know in the 80’s most American cars were boats, but come on. This thing could throw up a sail and pirate attack other cars on the highway.

6. Ford EXP= Hahaha. That’s really all I have to say about this abortion on wheels.

7. Volvo = Honestly every Volvo from the 80’s were ugly as a can of smashed ass holes. I mean it was the epitome of square box. This thing was like driving a brick with a windshield.

8. AMC Pacer = Well look we have another AMC. Really almost every AMC vehicle was ugly in its own way, however I hear they were reliable. Does that matter? Well if you’re driving a fugly car like that you don’t want it to be reliable. Wayne’s World, party time excellent .. wahh wah aha .. ding.

9. 1982 Civic =   I cant believe that the Civic went from that piece of lint from my balls to the car it is today. Crazy Japanese!  That car was a giant lump of sack in the mouth.

10. Buick Skylark = Holy gawd! Why did American car companies build such ugly ass cars? And why are they still building ugly ass cars?  WTF!  Now I’m getting angry. Cock smokin hillbilly nut sack. This is dumb,really. I looked up a lot of ugly ass cars and it’s hard to find a Japanese car that ugly. Most of them are actually quite delicious. This damn car is giving me turrets.

Anyway that’s my list honestly too many to list,so 10 for 10. Next time I will test drive all the coolest super cars of the 80’s and report. Not really, but I will report on it anyway

Till next time.. I’m LeeRoy .. and build some nice American cars dammit!