Bah

Man, the holidays are pretty much done, and it’s back to the office (sad face).

It’s super cold today in Toronto and I wish I was back in my bed passed out.

Such is life.

Tips to save the environment for Christmas…

Tips on having a Green Christmas

With food:

1. When purchasing food over the holidays only purchase from local farmers. If you don’t have a farm close to your home, you can get free food from the food bank who doesn’t care if you make over $100,000 a year and drive a 2009 Lexus ISF. Load the trunk up with as much free food that you can get that will save the environment.

2. Recycling food: You can recycle food from prior get-togethers. That Baptism cake from back in August is still good a little dry but just add some water to it to moisten it up. You can also add olive oil  and a little milk to revive that 6 month old cake. Peel the icing off with the Baptism names on it or what ever is on it and put new icing. Just make sure its icing that you made yourself.

3. While you’re cooking your food, leave the oven door open and turn off your heat in the house. Your oven will heat your house.

4. Grow your own fruit, vegetables, turkey’s in your back yard.

5. Fill everyone’s glasses that you widdled out of wood prior .. with snow.. it will be a nice cold snack while they sit there and when it melts it will be a good portion of protein and water.

6. Make lots and lots of salad out of tree leaves and pine cones and squirrel nuts.

Free tree from last year! Score motherfucker!

Green Decorating tips for Christmas:

1. Use real shit. Instead of buying fake mistletoe use real toes. Instead of fake plastic ornaments….make your own ornaments from carving wood into little animals, or use things around your house just hang those things off the tree. Like ear phones, used extension cords as garland, and use a barbie doll for the angel on top. Use pine cones and dead leaves that you find outside your house.

2. Buying a Christmas tree? Don’t bother you are killing the environment by doing this. And don’t buy a fake tree because you are killing the environment with a plastic tree. Buy a tree from a garden store that you can keep indoors all year round in a pot. If that doesn’t work then build a fake tree by carving old wood that you have laying around into a tree and a bicycle for fun.

3. Instead of Christmas lights that waste electricity why not purchase candles and place them along your roof top for a nice fiery glow at night.

4. Decorating your dog on Christmas will save the environment, you can take old socks or underwear and re-use them to make pretty little sweaters for your dog to stay warm instead of dying a freezing cold death and ruining Christmas for you and your rotten children that wont walk him.

5. Decorate your kitchen table with wood or pine cones and leaves, place a tip jar in the middle and watch how much you make from your family. They may think its funny but they will put money in it because they are stupid and you are smart.

6. Instead of carpet tear up your grass in the back yard and use it in your dining room and at the front door of your house. Not only does it smell great it looks nice and expensive as well as it will insulate your home while your heat is off.

7. Shaving cream looks like snow. So save the environment and spray everything with shaving cream then punch your dog in the face till it stops barking.

The Xmas Rocket

Staying green while you holiday travel:

1. Walk to your family’s house, ski to your family’s house only with real ski’s that you made out of wood. Don’t ever use your car or train or plane.. your killing the world and baby Jesus is crying because of you.

2. Ride your bike with your child on your back in a sack. Make sure this is not a metal store bought bike that will kill the earth, make sure you widdle with your rambo knife (never use a chain saw because your killing the environment) a clown bike with 3 seats or even 8 seats that your entire family can enjoy peddling over the hills they go laughing all the way in a wooden clown bike that seats 8 in the snow.

Enough gifts for everyone!

Green Gifts to give:

1. The best gift to give is your time. You slaved all year for a paycheck the least your ungrateful children and wife can do is shut the fuck up for Christmas. If your asked what you want for Christmas say you want to be left alone.. not only will this save you money this will save the environment and the risk of one of your children being punched in the fucking skull for talking back during present time.

2. Give your children the gifts that keep on giving, a nice piece of wood and a knife to crave themselves an Xbox. This way not only will you be saving the environment you will be teaching your children a good lesson in working for a living and carving skills that they will need when they get older.

3. When your wife looks at you and wonders where her gift is .. tell her that your the gift that keeps giving everyday. She will realize what she has and shut the fuck up.

4. Giving gifts to your extended family? Don’t.. instead write on a piece of toilet paper Merry Christmas with a chocolate brown organic marker not only will they be happy to receive your Christmas wish they will be amazed that you were able to write so neatly with your own shit on toilet paper.

5. Make wooden whoopie cushions for everyone so that when everyone is making the whoopie cushions toot ..you can pass gas all night not only are you saving the environment you are heating yourself and the house. You are also recycling your intake of food into gas to keep you warm.

I’m LeeRoy .. and have a Merry Green Environmentally Ill Christmas.

25 Days till Xmas

It’s December 1st. Again.

Already.

Sheesh, it’s been quite the year. Aside from the snow this morning, it doesn’t really feel like Christmas.

When I was a kid, there would be crazy snow all November, everyone has Christmas lights up, Christmas sales and events were everywhere, and the general Christmas spirit made everything feel right.

Funny enough, I was out of the country last year, and despite no snow, Christmas was amazing there. However, it wasn’t as multicultural as it is here in Toronto.

Now it’s about selling stuff. Not even buying stuff like a few years back. It’s completely about the sale.

Bleh.

It’s almost Christmas..

But it feels like September or something at best..

This is what the Christmas spirit feels like right now..

Holy shit it’s cold

Holy Jesus.

It’s cold out. Not eskimo and polar bear cold, but cold enough that I don’t like it. Summer this year sucked, and the fall has been cold and rainy.

This is Canada. Except for August.

Is this global warming? I don’t think so. There doesn’t seem to be any fucking warming here. Even summer was cold and shitty.

What does this mean? It means that Canada is cold, and if you have to leave your house it sucks. Why would you leave your house? Well we are not bears. We need to go to work so that we can buy stuff and pay bills so that we can survive to be able to go to work.

Work is like crack. Even if you are trying to stop, you just need to do it.

Anyways, summer. Not around the corner.

Why are there no Mexicans in Canada? Because it’s cold. That’s why Mexicans are smart. They will stay where it’s warm, even if it means making $5 a day.

Until real global warming kicks in, we’re a bunch of cold fuckers.

WestJet – 50% off. Today only.

The best Spring we’ve had all Winter!

I think all of Toronto has been enjoying this crazy warm weather we’ve been having lately, with temperatures reaching 15 degrees, it reminds me of Melbourne, Australia in Winter.

Gobal Warming is something that we have been hearing about for years, and a lot of people have been blowing off this theory for all those years as it has seemed like one of those hippy PETA vegetarian conspiracies. Unfortunately, it’s hard to actually come up with any explanation for this crazy ass weather.

In the US they have been having tornados, floods, and of course snow storms, even in places where this type of weather has not been seen in decades.

A lot of the current weather in Toronto has hit new records, by even double and triple what has been seen historically. Does this mean that we are in some serious trouble?

I have been seeing animals that are normally hibernating at this time of year back outside looking for food, and probably thinking that spring has hit once again. Boy, are they in for a surprise.

Apprently we are heading back into a Winter mode soo which means, cold and snow. You can only imagine how much it sucks to go from snow and -20, to 15 degrees and sunshine, and then back again.

Is the end of the world near? Probably not, but with weather like this, I’m sure we’re going to have some interesting adventures ahead. I’m waiting to go rollerbladng in February indeed.

We’ll see….

WestJet’s Best deal ever – Two days only. Canadian Flights from $20

WestJet’s Best deal ever. Two days only.

- Flights between Toronto and Ottawa/Montreal

- Flights between Abbotsford and Calgary/Edmonton

- Two days only

FROM $20.08

- Book by January 8, 2008 at 11:59 p.m. M.S.T.

- Travel until March 5, 2008.

Book now at http://westjet.highlife.ca

Global Warming? Not here…But I bet it’s Warm Somewhere Else…