Deadly Weapons

Being on the train

Man, taking the train sucks.

I’ll admit, I get some time to play games and write on my iPhone (just upgraded), however I would rather be at home sleeping.

I now take the early train in so it’s half empty and I can relax.

I wish I could have a beer on the way to work.

Ducks

Botox ducklips. Maaaaaan….

That’s some ugly shit. .

You look like a fucking duck bitch.

Why would you do that?

Why?

You look like you give blowjobs to fire hydrants for a living.

Bleh.

Dysfunctional Family Christmas ..YAAY

Dysfunctional Family Christmas’s happen in my family every year. I’m sure everyone has a story to tell about some stupid shit that happens around the Christmas holidays.

This year I cant wait to see what happens in my family. Over the last couple of years, I have had awkward moments when it was time to open up presents. Like, remember the time no one got any presents for that step sister or brother you just don’t like? And that step sister or brother decided to spend over $100 on you and others on gifts? Then they are like hey…where is my gift? And when they realize no one got them shit… they have that look like I don’t care .. mehhh .. sure you don’t ass fuck .. you just got raped for a present. You know they go to the washroom and 1 tear rolls down their cheek. They stay strong though wipe it away and come right back like they never even noticed that they aint got shit.

How about when your family all sits down for dinner and you realize 1 place is missing. Oh shit sorry Granpa .. umm we aint got no more chairs we forgot. Just go sit on the couch and eat your turkey dinner with your back to us while we talk amongst ourselves.

Dad?

How about when you get your dinner? You ever have one of those family Christmas’s that the person who is having the Christmas get together, just cant cook? Hey pass the Ham and Turkey .. hold on .. what is? …ummm what iiiiiiiis this ?………This is Ham? Mom is this ham did Aunt Jen make Ham? Instead its a giant slab of uncut Bologna from Food Basics drizzled in maple syrup…yummmmy..yum..yum. Ill take seconds of that rat nest of hell. You grab something that looks like mashed potatoes and its got raisins in it..ha ha. Why does someone always ruin everything with fucking raisins? Turkey …is cooking .. hmm needs raisins. OOOOOOOwwwwwww I know .. Coffee is brewing… hmm not tasty enough.. need raisins. What the fuck? Are you fucked up? Like your fuckin brain is a damn raisin you Christmas ruiner.

How about the cousin that no one likes? You know the one that shows up with a fuckin Nintendo DS and fuckin pokemon and sits in the fuckin corner all night playing it till he leaves. Retard .. fuck I hate that fuckin mental retarded kid.

How about the getting ready to go…I love the getting ready to go… you know you plan on leaving by 2:00 but really that means 3:00 and your running around like a fuckin banshee. Your getting ready wife is getting ready .. cologne stinks like shit .. your hair just wont gel the way you want it too. You woke up with a zit on the end of your nose the size of a watermelon. You cant find your keys.

Fluffy!

You cant find the wife’s purse..you leave and forget the presents and half way there you gotta turn around and come back. You put on a tie and cant breathe…your dress shirt don’t fit so well since last year because you put on some neck fat.. and it wont button up. Your wife wants to put on some festive candy cane earrings but cant find them. You pull out of the driveway with an empty tank of gas .. you decide to wash your car your going to see relatives but after washing it, it really looks no better but you feel its 100% even though no one will actually see your car because it will be parked down the street because of all the family getting there before you.

How about the family member that had to work in the morning and show up after work wearing there work uniform? Ha ha ha .. security or what ever.

Why does some old person always fall down at least once at Christmas?

Why does some kids always break something or fall down stairs at Christmas?

Christmas with family is fun but what is more fun is farting in a fucking space suit. That’s funny….

I’m LeeRoy … and have a happy dysfunctional family Christmas !

Unicorns are extinct because they are all gay.

That's pretty fucking gay alright..

Have you ever seen a straight unicorn?

Unicorns are gay like rainbows, buttplugs, and hot dogs without buns.

So maybe they did exist, but because they were gay they only made it through that first wave…

And those baby unicorns they adopted? Well they were actually horses, and they were made fun of everyday because they were adopted, and their parents were unicorns.

The moral of the story is that, there are probably some tolerant horses out there, but they’ll never become unicorns.

The GO Train sucks

Really..

If I waned to be late every day, I would just sleep in an hour late and take my car to work.

Fucking useless.

Brampton kicks off fire prevention week on a bad note

An unattended cooking pot (curry cooker)  is the cause of over 90% of home fires in Brampton.

Early this morning 2 separate houses in Brampton went up in curry smoke after both residents on two separate streets left there curry cookers on the stove unattended.

Fire trucks put out the first, however there is 180 Brampton residents homeless between two houses this morning. We spoke with Pretty Deep, one of the residents of the burnt out homes.  Her own words …. “Fire balaka opened my kalaka den der burnt da drapes that us share for halaka” Obviously she was a little upset at the time of the interview. Neighbor and friend Pin AnderJeep claims he was “smelling tings and den da bird poo in der and den I poop”  Fire Chief Andy MacDonald claims that a curry pot exploded in someones face in both incidents and that is why there is such a bad smell. We spoke with a man running away from the scene and he said that “It smells like a used diaper filled with food”

Oct. 4 to 10 is Fire Prevention Week, and this year  Stay Fire Smart-Don’t Get Burned reminds Bramladeshians about the importance of fire safety education.

“Most of the fires that occur in the home are preventable,” said Brampton Fire Chief Andy MacDonald. “It is important that Bramladeshians educate themselves about the risks, and take the steps to protect their families and homes.This will save lives.”

Brampton Fire Safety Events
Brampton’s Fire and Emergency Services is hosting a week-long series of seminars and activities to help educate residents about fire safety in the home.  The events take place at Shoppers World in Brampton. They are expecting 40,000 people to show as they will be giving away free Giant Tiger $1 coupons for drapes.

Through interactive displays and information booths, visitors can learn about fire hazards, curry smoke and carbon monoxide alarms, and how to develop a family fire escape plan for 50 people to a home exit routes.

On Wednesday, Oct. 7 from 10 a.m. to noon, a seniors’ seminar will teach seniors about fire safety in Punjabi. It will also focus on frauds and scams, and frequently asked questions.

Throughout the week, Brampton children, ages seven to 12 can enter a contest to become “Fire Chief for a Day”. They may also win an MP3 player and ride on a fire truck with Bollywood actors.

Welcome to the new site!

Well here we go again. Injecting some newness into the site. We were previously using Blogger, which sucks balls, so after a day of effort, I present you with this new site.

Enjoy!

Darth Vader + Stormtrooper = Toronto Takeover?

Lee’s Rants #4

Egads! Lee is on a rampage!

I also want to see because its soo cold here in Toronto that I went on vacation to Florida. We were driving along a highway and shit and I dont know if you think you seen a dolphin .. but serious .. government covers shit up .. so anyway .. driving minding my own business .. la la la .. BOOM .. dolphin kicks me in the face .. Im like WTF ?? Hooves are hitting me in the throat and ears .. and its like squeeking like EEE EEEEE MEH MEH EE EEEEE … now im scared for my life right but serious I dont give a fuck so ..while driving the car I jump up on the front seat and doo a back flip over the dolphin bite him in the fuckin blow hole .. but bitch sliced me with its dorsal fin and shit. I pulled out my shank and cut him in the jail shower. I ran and blamed it on the gaurd.

Anyway … my point is governement covers shit up.