When is it acceptable to hit a Woman?

If she’s ugly, rides a motorcycle, and hit you first, it might be acceptable to punch her out. She’s practically a dude with a vagina..

Handifat

I do my horrid little routine this morning, hop on the train.

I hate the fucking train.

Anyways, I end up walking through the handicap cart, which is for handicap people. You figure you would see people in wheel chairs, and other handicap people.

Did I? No. Not even a retard..

You know what I did see though? Fat people.

To be a bit more accurate, fat women. The same ones that use the handicap elevator to go up the one flight of stairs.

Sheesh..

Lazy much motherfuckers?

Photography: Not a real job.

Funny enough, I’ve noticed in that in the last few years, that I now know about 1000 photographers.  I think every second person that I’ve met in my life is now a photographer.

When I was younger I used to be an avid photographer.  I used to buy the books, subscribe to the magazines, and spend all my money on film and camera stuff.

It was fun to take pictures, but it was a hobby.  It was something to do.

Welcome to 2009.  Where everyone hates their jobs, can afford to buy a 500$ camera.

Here are the steps to becoming a professional photgrapher:

1. Hate your job.
2. Have enough money for a decent camera.
3. Have a printer at home to print your own business cards.
4. Have someone that can pay your rent (parents).
5. Add ‘Photography’ to your name (ie. John Smith Photography).
6. Spend your weekends taking pictures of stuff.
7. Carry a camera around with you always.  Every shot is an award winning shot.
8. Use craigslist to find models to take pictures of.
9. Become friends with a Starbucks barista, hoping to get your picture on the wall.
10. Have a dream.

I really like #10.  Because you really need a dream to succeed.  out of those 1000 photographers I know, maybe…2, and thats just pushing it..2 people out of those 1000 probably make a very uncomfortable living from being a photographer.

I have a few hobbies that I was I could quit working so that I can do them full time.  These would be:

1. Play video games.
2. Ride my motorcycle.
3. Eat.
4. Sleep.
5. Hang out.

You know. Honestly I will not make money from doing any of that.  I might as well become a photographer.  I wonder if I was to add these hobbies to my name and make my own business cards, would it work out?

• Shaun Empire Gaming
• Shaun Empire Riding
• Shaun Empire Eating
• Shaun Empire Sleep Technology
• Shaun Empire Professional Hanging

Who knows.. Probably not.

Maybe I will just pick up a Camera, quit my job, and see where it takes me.

Unicorns are extinct because they are all gay.

That's pretty fucking gay alright..

Have you ever seen a straight unicorn?

Unicorns are gay like rainbows, buttplugs, and hot dogs without buns.

So maybe they did exist, but because they were gay they only made it through that first wave…

And those baby unicorns they adopted? Well they were actually horses, and they were made fun of everyday because they were adopted, and their parents were unicorns.

The moral of the story is that, there are probably some tolerant horses out there, but they’ll never become unicorns.

Playing out your headlights

I replaced my headlights a few weeks ago. I bought ultra white bulbs and made sure they weren’t tinted blue.

Why?

Well c’mon. Who really has blue lights? HIDs have a bluish tint, but HID lights don’t come stock on Honda Civics, 15 year old minivans, and 1980 VW rabbits.

Seeing that blue lights are being played out like 8 bit Nintendo, I think by the Summer, they will either be banned, or the fad will be dead.

Although..we could see some Ed Hardy blue lights soon that could double kill the fad…

We’ll see. Time will tell…

The anchor trap

These people hate their lives, but have nothing to do but be content.

Do you ever feel trapped?

Hate winter? Your job? Taxes? The GTA?

You could probably say yes to most, or all of these.

Personally I would love to be somewhere hot all year round, and not have to work. Wouldn’t we all.

Follow your dreams? Yea, but. How would you be sure it would work out? You can’t be sure, and that’s why we suck and stay where we are.

For the last few years everyone would tell me to buy a house, and. I think, wow what an anchor. The more we have that anchors us to where we are, the smaller chance we have of changing what works, and go for the unknown.

What you will know is snow up to your ass, commuting 2-3 hours a day, high taxes, and a house so close to your neighbors you can hear them sleep.

Sounds like a shitty way to live the rest of your life. Slowly you go from being you, to just being another person waiting to go home so that you can wake up and go back to work in the morning.

Welcome to the real world. Escape is always an option.

Women & Yoga tights The Gift That Keeps On Giving

This is what your body should look like in Yoga pants.

So recently Yoga pants/tights were brought to my attention.

Someone told me about them and after seeing them in front of my eyes I quickly realized that these were the greatest female pants/tights I have ever seen. I must believe that a man invented these, a manly man, a real man who enjoys looking at the female anatomy. The great thing is that women love these too. They are comfortable and stretch to fit. They don’t get hot and almost any female can put these on an instantly make a man drool with delight.

While I personally always loved blue jeans, to be specific a nice tight pair of Parasuco or Beckhams.  These Yoga pants have changed my mind, they look spectacular.

Please don’t get me wrong, if a women is beyond some weights (se: 130lbs) she should not be wearing these pants. Probably a size limitation on them, I suspect no one over some weight can purchase these. Men you know the pants I’m talking about, you have seen them you just didn’t have a name for them. Well I’m giving you the name, you want to purchase some for your wives go to the Running Room and find yoga pants and make sure they are 1 size smaller because they are supposed to be tight. Mind you they are stretchy so either way they should be great.

I’m LeeRoy ……….and Yoga Pants are what Dreams are made of !

Why is it so hard to find anyone that knows shit about something?

Maybe a month and a half ago I ordered a new car stereo, it was one of those double sized ones that have a touch screen, GPS, and all that.  I figured since I spend a lot of time driving it’ll be a nice upgrade.

I had this stereo sitting there dying to be put in, however since my car isn’t your typical every day car, I wanted to make sure I can find an installer that has some experience with install on this car, and can provide me with the perfect install.

Anyhow, I wake up this Saturday, and take it to this place that does installs. the guy assures me they have worked on this car before, and it should be no problem, he will even do it himself. When I go to bring my car around, there is this young guy that tells me he is going to install it, and instead of bringing inside, he’s going to do it outside in the back of the building.

This kid pulls out my radio, cuts up my console, cuts out my screw points, and THEN looks at the stereo, which at this point doesn’t fit. He tells me, “this isn’t going to fit sorry”.  He get’s his boss, his boys says he will get it to fit.  His boss looks it it, and then goes outside. The kid says to me, it’s not going to fit, jams everything back in the console and goes inside leaving me with my cut out console pieces, and a bunch of mess.  I said to myself, why did I take my car to Hi Tec Audio Video in Brampton and let them butcher my console?

The problem is that now-a-days, no one knows shit about anything. People get jobs that they are not qualified for and have no experience in. The kid at the stereo shop said he has done over 10 cars like mine.  Well then why didn’t you know it was a shallow bay in the console, and check the stereo size before you cut everything up?  Then you tell my my stereo was longer, then we measured it against a Kenwood, and it was the same size.

You go to Best Buy, and the people in the computer department don’t know shit about computers, the TV people know shit all about TV’s, and you trust these people for advice?

I took my car into two shops recently, the first guy didn’t know shit, because when I asked him for quotes on doing work, he expected that I would be stupid enough to leave my car there for the whole day, and he would tell me at the end of his 10 hour day how much it was.  Are you serious?  The other guy just got out of college, and his other mechanic was probably his brother from high school. I thought I was back in my grade 12 shop class.

It has come to the point where I don’t trust anyone working on my car or motorcycle unless they are old guys (40+) with years of experience in the field, and years of experience on my model.  I will find write ups and reviews on the internet before I go to Best Buy and have some kid tell me about shit he doesn’t know that he read off the box.

Don’t get me started on customer service either. Half of these people do the jobs for the money, and don’t care about going a quality job, or making you happy.  I recently paid  2 hours worth of cash for doing something to my car which took them 20 minutes. Because they had no clue, and quoted me wrong.  Instead of charging me the right price for the amount of work that was done, they knocked of $20, and said it’s a standard rate. They should have knocked off the other $40, and even just charged me for the hour at the most.  Mind you I had another $1000 worth of work to be done, and they aren’t going to get it.  It’s too bad that making a quick $70 off of me was a better idea for them than keeping it fair, and making $1000 later on.

There are just too many idiots that think that they went to school for a few years they know everything about everything, which they know shit all about jack shit.

It’s Not Cool to Follow The Trends

The "used to be" must have lease car to pose in.

So I have noticed allot of people tend to follow the leader when it comes to style. But I think a lot of people don’t realize that a couple of people started that trend and they have moved on while you are now copying their old style.

I don’t know if anyone has noticed recently but Audi Sales have jumped through the roof lately. These same vehicle’s back in the 90’s wouldn’t sell, you had the rare people with them but they were never that popular. They were still ranked up there with BMW, Mercedes, Saab, Lexus, Cadillac, but BMW and Mercedes were the cool cars to own in the late 90’s into the year 2000.

Recently BMW and Mercedes sales have dropped, and the lemming yuppy flock are all running to the Audi dealerships to trade in there BMW’s and Mercedes for overpriced Volkswagons. Why is this? Could it be due to the fact that just like every trend eventually the trend goes out and a new one comes in?

The new must have lease car to pose in.

Back in the 80’s Lincoln and Cadillac ruled the luxury car market. The early 90’s Saab and BMW and Jaguar really set a trend till people realized that you couldn’t keep a Saab or Jag on the road without it breaking down. People then shifted to Mercedes and BMW lucky for them they changed the style enough to make the cars look new again. Audi recently came out with all new style cars with LED headlights and the Audi super car the R8. I saw a couple of suits driving these right away, then it took off like wild fire. Now when I speak with people, right away when you ask them what car they would buy if they had the money?  It’s Audi! What happened to BMW? Or Mercedes?

Nope.

A lot of the top luxury vehicles mentioned by people are Audi, Lexus, Acura… Then BMW, Mercedes, and what about Saab? I’m waiting for the day when Saab will be the trend. Or Cadillac,  and that may actually happen now that GM has began to change some of the designs and market the Cadillac.

Sure, It's a great car.. But will it make me look like I am rich?

I don’t know why people just cant be themselves. Get something no one else has start your own trend. Remember when Hummer was cool? Now its just not! People kinda look down on owners of Hummers because they are useless wastes of space. Its a glorified overpriced Chevy Tahoe.

Start your own trend.

Instead of flocking to Starbucks, go to Dunkin’ Donuts or something. Or don’t even care, get what you want because it tastes good or looks good or because it fits your income.

Bentley won't even lease you a car as a 25 year old, recent immigrant, retail sales clerk at the mall. However you can still have a $800 a month for 6 years, 0% down BMW..

My parking lot at work is now full of white Audi’s. People are even buying up the old Audi’s from the 90’s that no one liked. But now people say wow how did he get an Audi?

My Gawd man.

Kids are beginning to fall off the Honda Civic bandwagon.

Now the cool thing is drifting!

So you now see kids buying old Nissan’s and Toyota’s. The next generation will change the whole market, and as far as I can see companies, like Kia, and Hyundai taking the sales away from Honda because kids are following a trend to rear wheel drive cars.

Weird ain’t it?

I say be yourself, don’t go out and buy a Civic because everyone else has one. Purchase it because you really want one. If you really want a Jeep purchase a Jeep.

I’m LeeRoy …………………..B-Yourself !

Rememberance Day in Canada

Remember that time we saved Europe? Yea, that was pretty cool..

I saw someone selling poppies this morning for Remembrance Day and was just thinking, what did WWI and WWII have to do with Canada.

Yes, at the time we were a British colony, and we did send our superior soldiers over to Europe to fight, however you still hear people say about both bars that the soldiers died for our freedom.

In WWI they died for Britain’s freedom and in WWII they died for Europe’s freedom.  Some people have said to me “If we didn’t fight, Hitler would have taken over Canada too!”.  But realistically, Hitler still had a lot of Europe to finish take over before he had time to worry about Canada.  He still had Central Asia, South Asia, The Middle East, and Russia to take over before he got to North America, and some of those countries weren’t pussies like the French, they wouldn’t have surrendered so fast.  The Russians, Chinese, and Arabs would have kicked some ass, where as France and England would have just surrendered a week later if the Americans didn’t step in kick Hitler when he was down.

Anyways.  We are grateful that our soldiers helped defeat the Nazis even though German France would have been much cooler. Let’s also remember that without Britain, we would have had no-one to sell Germany Rolls Royce, Bentley, and Mini…

Actually, I think all the veterans are dead now, so if you don’t wear a poppy, I guess you don’t have to feel like such a dick because your grandparents were Nazis..