Lady Bugs Attack Toronto

BREAKING NEWS:

Lady bugs are attacking Toronto and surrounding areas.

Billions of them!

Yesterday while sitting at my desk I noticed it getting really dark outside. I went looked up at the window and to my surprise the window was covered in rabid yeast infected lady bugs. I freaked out as they were banging against the glass window of the building with there fists. I ran outside and instantly was attacked by giant lady fucks that tried to crawl inside my ears and fuck my brain.

I have never seen anything like this in my life.  My co-worker Natasha was outside swatting them away with a bottle of ice tea and screaming at the top of her lungs “fuck you fuckin fucks,ill fuckin fuck you into the fuckin ground lady bug fuck.”, and she is a church going, well mannered woman who wouldn’t curse to save her life.

I quickly found myself fighting with the rest of my fellow co-workers to live. It was us against millions of pissed off robot siamese yeast infected lady bugs (run by the FBI). I was punching them right in the face. I was just swinging for the fences not knowing what I’m hitting. I knocked out a couple co-workers accidentally, but it was a swarm, we ran inside and hid. But it didn’t end the entire out side of the office building was covered by rabid humping lady bugs and we eventually exited the building and just ran while we punched the lady bugs dead in there mouths.  Luckily just as the swarming started it ended. Today I came into work and no lady bugs were around.

It was freaking crazy!

The swarming shut down businesses, community centers and most people stayed indoors. Report of 48 deaths by lady bug mauling, 3 people had there wallets stolen by the lady bugs and there was over 100 separate incidents involving lady bugs cutting the brake lines on cars, painting graffiti on walls, attempting drive by shootings in stolen vehicles, and DUI’s.

All in all it was a horrible day to say the least, and next time I see a lady bug I will yell in its face then drop kick it in the back when its not looking.

I’m LeeRoy …………………Ill punch a lady bug clear in the jaw.