Jon Gosselin gets high on meth, goes on a rampage and stabs a hooker in the face

This just in.  TV super villain Jon Gosselin has been arrested this morning for going on a crazy meth rampage that ended with a hooker being stabbed in the face with an Ed Hardy ice pick.

According to TMZ, last night Jon was at a sports bars by himself trying to lay low while getting people to notice him laying low. Sources say that Jon left the bar drunk  and was approached by several prostitutes outside the bar.  After doing some meth with them, one of the prostitutes wanted him to sign a box of vaginal wipes for her, and asked how Kate was, obviously too busy to know that they’re not together.  Jon lost his shit and stabbed her in the face.  Police arrived moments later but Jon fled on foot.
This morning Jon was arrested at the Motel 8 just a few blocks from where the stabbing occurred.  Jon’s mother, which is also his manager, has not got back to phone calls in regards to the charges.

(Ok…this hasn’t happened YET, but we’re since it is bound to happen, we’re getting the story in first!)